June 21st, 1999

U don't have 2 say "I believe" 2 believe.
U don't have 2 go 2 church.
U don't have 2 prove anything 2 anyone.
U don't even have 2 ask urself the question,
"Do I believe?"

But if u do
If u ever wonder how u could answer it
U might want 2 remember the times when u were touched
The times when all the reasoning in the world about what is important and what is not simply didn't matter
Because u were moved
Because something from the outside managed 2 bypass ur rational thinking and stir up emotions u perhaps didn't even know u had in u
Something managed, not 2 make u 4get urself by "entertaining" u,
But 2 make u more aware than ever of ur own feelings.

When art does that 2 u
When a painting, a musical phrase, a paragraph in a book does that 2 u
When u can c the different layers in a piece and still can't figure out how their combination can produce such beauty
When a melody sounds like it has always xisted, even tho it had never been heard b4
When a certain sound manages 2 xpress xactly what u've always wanted 2 xpress without ever knowing how
When another sound takes u 2 a level that u never even thought xisted in u
When u feel like u know xactly what went on in the mind of the artist who created the piece that's making u feel this way — even tho u know perfectly well u'll never really know what went on,

Then something irreversible happens in u
A door opens that nothing — either inside or outside of u — will ever b able 2 close again
U've felt the touch of something greater than what ur rational mind will ever b able 2 grasp
And u don't have 2 call it anything
(Calling it anything would only b an attempt 2 rationalize it, just like this text is)
But u believe in it
U believe in art
U believe that art xists
And that it is the xpression of something that nothing else can xpress
Something beautifully metaphysical
Something metaphysically beautiful.

Of course, u r going 2 want 2 try 2 share this belief with others
Of course, u r going 2 want 2 put it 2 the test (bcuz u've been taught 2 do so)
But, ultimately, u know that it's never going away
And the more u live 2 xperience it
The more u try 2 create the conditions necessary so that u and others can have the privilege 2 xperience it over and over again
The more ur actions have meaning
The more u r at peace with urself
The closer u get 2 reaching that state
Where asking urself that question,
"Do I believe?,"
Is no longer necessary.

LE GRIND

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